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![[info]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif) frankwu | |
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This painting sparked an argument with a crazy woman I was in a relationship with:
(A painting I'd done for a story by Eric Witchey for Ralan's website.)
The argument happened a year after this painting was published & I re-create it as accurately as possible:
She: Why did you change that painting?
Me: What?
She: The face is different.
Me: Um, no, it's not. I haven't touched the painting in a year.
She: I know it looks different. It was fine the way it was. You should be working on (proceeding to recite my "to do" list) instead. Why are you wasting your time re-working old stuff?
Me: I don't know what you're talking about. I didn't change that painting.
She: I know you did. I know it looks different. Why are you lying to me? You're always lying to me.
Essentially, the issue here is that she was an insane control freak. It also didn't help that she fancied herself an art critic though she had never finished a painting in her life.
But the larger issue, aside from her uncontrollable anger and insanity issues, is the Boundaries issue. If I had changed the painting - which I hadn't - what was that to her?
Who, as the creative person, has the final say about the final form and polish of the work?
In effect, what happens if your significant other really thinks there should be a change to the piece, and you as the writer/artist, disagree? There's a related issue of: How does one accept critiques?
With critiques from your writer friends, there's the unwritten rule that the author has the final say. There's a space between you and your friends.
But with a spouse, the boundaries and rules are different. You actually have to live with someone you have a serious artistic disagreement with. A disagreement which cannot be resolved with logic, reason or outside counsel.
The resolutions I've come to are:
1. Not being in relationships with control freaks.
2. Not letting significant others see the final version.
I was talking to someone about her s.o.'s seeing her published work, and our conclusion was that his only possible response would be: "Honey, that thing you wrote/painted is just great, absolutely wonderful."
She mentioned that a guy had told her that he could critique it for her: "But, sweetie, I can suggest things that'll improve your writing." This from someone who's not a writer.
For me, that's the kiss of death.
The bottom line for me is that I'm more than willing to show drafts of things to people, even people I'm in relationships with, but they must understand that the form of the final version - for good or ill - is mine. The responsibility is mine, and if there are mistakes that are published in my name, it's my name.
I once told someone I wouldn't let her read the final, published version of a story because I knew she'd ask me about every suggestion she'd made that I didn't take and it was too much effort to justify all that - if she didn't read the final draft she could keep in her head her idealized version of the story which was written exactly the way she wanted.
The problem is that sometimes people who aren't writers/artists see stuff that's "just wrong." Sometimes they're right, and sometimes not. Jar Jar Binks is included in The Phantom Menace because George Lucas' four-year-old son loved him.
But, then, again, sometimes the writer is, well, actually wrong, and the critics are right. Sometimes.
How do other people deal with these situations?
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From: reudaly |
Date: April 25th, 2007 07:52 pm (UTC) |
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That's a tough issue, but yes. You have to make it known that when push comes to shove (yes, sometimes literally), the piece is YOURS and YOURS alone. Not the critiquers.
I look at the piece (and who's making the changes) and ask if the change makes the piece better while maintaining the integrity of the piece. When the piece starts being rewritten to be the piece the critiquer would've written it and not the way *I* wrote it, then that critiquer is gone.
And once the SUGGESTIONS have been made (unless they're blatant typos or grammar mistakes, then EVERY CHANGE is a SUGGESTION) that's the end of it. I choose the ones I take and the ones I don't and it's no one's business but mine.
The line "But, sweetie, I can suggest things that'll improve your writing." is very scary. That's person trying to change YOU and that's a Bad Thing.
Yet one more reason to be grateful for my SO and his very calm, "shouldn't there a comma in that line?" ways. And I almost have to demand he read something, too, he doesn't insist. I like that in a person...
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From: frankwu |
Date: April 25th, 2007 11:05 pm (UTC) |
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Yeah, yeah - that's familiar. Ms. Crazy Lady gave me a critique on a story which was twice as long as the story itself. She totally rewrote every sentence, changing it from my voice to hers, which was no voice at all. The worse thing was MCL saying, "Well, I'm a writer, so whatever I say about this book/story/manuscript is write." She, of course, defined "I'm a writer" as "I say I'm a writer" not "I actually write." 'Cos she hardly did any writing at all, all the while saying she was a writer over and over. Yup, crazy.
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From: dinogrl |
Date: April 25th, 2007 11:00 pm (UTC) |
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Three points:
I'm lucky in the sense that jewelry isn't Dave's thing. So I tend to listen to my customers. If they don't like something about a piece and want to buy it if it has 'this or that' changed, I'll do it for them. After all, they want my work hanging off them. By the same token, I take suggestions on jewelry all the time, some I listen to, some is just such a bad idea, or in poor taste (e.g.: a mistletoe beltbuckle, condom earrings)that there is no way I'd be associated with it.
Most of my castings start as a sketch I have done, so I am extremely sensitive on how it gets translated to metal. Sometimes it is a hair-tearing-out experience, but I manage to get by, albeit with thinner hair sometimes.
I witnessed a "first draft" session that an acquaintance of mine and Mark Ferrari were involved with. She had commissioned a piece of art from him, and was telling him how she wanted it changed. It was a very interesting, revealing, and uncomfortable thing to witness. "Make **your** vision, which I commissioned you to do, look like this!!! (or else I won't pay)" Eeek.
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From: frankwu |
Date: April 25th, 2007 11:44 pm (UTC) |
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Well said, Misty. Yeah, I totally agree with you that the creator has to have the final say about stuff, and the other person has to deal with that. Eventually what happened with CrazyLady is that I wound up just doing art and not sharing it with her, because she'd go all control-freaky about it and not suggest, but DEMAND that I make these changes or that. But that was sad, partly 'cos I felt like I was sneakin' around (which was very odd), but also sad that I couldn't share this really important part of my life with her. Oh well. And, yeah, I totally agree with Jay that the creator gets to pick and choose among the critiques, taking whatever seems relevant and dropping the rest. I did that with your comments on the "Worlds in Collusion" story - I used the comments which I found useful/helpful (which actually turned out to be most of them).
Also, sometimes it's fun to be part of the precipitate. That's sometimes where the sugary crystally goodness is.
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